My Resignation

(Written march 17, at the clinic)

 

I've given up trying to save the world here in Cusco...

 

That sounds harsh. And ridiculous.

 

But, I've resigned to the fact that my experience here in Peru isn't what I was expecting.  I had expected to be put to work in a clinic that lacked supplies and personnel yet was exploding with patient needs.  I had expected to be put to work in any way that the clinic needed: wound care, IVs, blood work, vital signs, etc.  What I DID not expect was to not be needed, at all.

 

The first two weeks I was frustrated.  I wanted to help.  I was bored.  I was useless and in the way.  Every time I realized there was something I could do to help, an aide or a nursing student arrived and we started to compete over staying busy.  My host mom has told me that I am not the first medical personnel to complain:  she once had a doctor in the house who ended up switching from the health clinic, where she felt bored and useless, to a location she was able to play with children.  I was jealous. 

 

Today, when I declared my resignation to myself (and my host mom!), I realized that I should be happy:  the people of Cusco got it.  They got healthcare. They got nurses. They got doctors. They got health records.  They got supplies. They don't need help. 

 

I can't speak for the people living up in the mountains, far from the city, but where I was given the opportunity to help, help was not needed.  I shall rest easy from now on, no longer frustrated and bored. Instead, I am comforted by the progress the city has made and am keeping busy at the clinic...have you noted the increased frequency of my entries?